Cuffing season is in full swing, and time is running out for a holiday meet-cute. If the uncuffed don’t do something soon, we’ll be going home for Christmas single and ready to get hit on by our disgusting ex-boyfriend, Chad. We can’t go back to Chad. These classic rom-com spots are guaranteed places to meet your soulmate, but they’ve all been replaced by apps. So, we’re probably screwed.
- A Stranger’s Car: It’s a long drive from the University of Chicago to New York City, and there’s no better way to meet your soulmate than sharing a cramped Toyota Camry with a complete stranger for twelve hours. It’s too bad that hitching a ride with someone you barely know is a one-way ticket to Murder Town — unless, of course, it’s in an Uber Pool. That’s definitely safe.
- A Stranger’s Winter Home: Sometimes, we get sick of the daily grind during the holidays. Blindly swapping homes with an equally depressed singleton used to be the solution to all of our monotonous problems, especially when she had a hot neighbor/brother who liked to show up unannounced. Now, we can choose exactly where we stay with Airbnb. Hawaii looks way better than London in December, and if the host knocks on our door after midnight, we’re calling the cops.
- An AOL Chatroom: There’s no rush like getting to know someone’s soul before you’ve even learned their name. MetsFan212 could be anyone: a business rival, your handsome neighbor, your long-lost high school BFF. Still, even if AIM was still alive and well, online dating has evolved into an endless stream of selfies and weirdly insulting Tinder bios. At least we know that “Todd, 32” is DTF. Swipe right?
- An Independent Bookstore: Owning a small, charming bookstore makes any man 40% hotter. It’s basically a given that he can read (swoon), and his refusal to surrender to big discount stores means he isn’t ambitious enough to get rich and dump you for a 22-year-old Kappa. Independent bookstores might still exist, but we honestly wouldn’t know if they did. Getting out of bed is hard, and Amazon’s illegal labor practices deliver Pride and Prejudice straight to your door in two days or less.
- A High School Reunion: That girl you bullied in high school? Yeah, she’s a hot lawyer with 30k Instagram followers and a FitTea endorsement. Dazzling her with your charm and lack of cystic acne at your 10-year reunion was a surefire way to find your future wife in the 1990s, but we’re in the 21st century. You’ve already slid into her Twitter DMs or (even worse) poked her on Facebook. Dude, have some self-respect.
- A Time-Loop of Your Own Invention: Living the same day over and over again is a perfect way to rediscover the soulmate that’s been under your nose all along! Unfortunately, you won’t need an unexplained rift in time and space to cure your narcissism if you download Talkspace and work out your issues online. Then, you’ll be able to fall for your longtime coworker without any supernatural interventions. Who ya gonna call? A licensed therapist.
- New York City: IDK, the city’s just garbage piles and midwestern bankers now. To get the real, romantic NYC experience you’ve been craving, binge Gossip Girl on HBOMax. Penn Badgley could still be my soulmate, right?